Great Day. :)

I talked to Jake last night, and you know what? He was so understanding, it was great, he said he was trying to make me feel uncomfortable or rush things, but he really likes going out with me, I like going out with him too, and he treats me right, so I like the way things are after all.: )
My last session for Monday, was rescheduled because of finals, so today was my final session. I felt great, it seems like she tries to pick at me to try to break me, but I’m not the same girl that first walked into that office, I was feeling great and strong, and for the first time since going there, I walked in and out unbroken and with a smile on my face. I’ve showed great progress, that’s what the counselor said, she’s kind of puzzled how strong I am; I feel so great and stronger than ever, I might go to a referral location just to keep me going strong, but I think I’m going to be fine, I feel fine. : )

I’m feeling the burn less in my abs area, however now my arms are torturing me! Still I don’t give up, and trust me, with the pain I’ve gone through, I’ve seriously considered it. I think I met Jake at a perfect time in my life, he’s gone through this, by looking at him, you can’t tell, but I’ve felt his abs and muscles in his arms. Wow! It’s cool, at least he doesn’t show off, I thought he was joking at first, like I said, you can’t really tell by looking at him; but yesterday he held me tight and that’s how I he was not lying. : )

Today was great and productive! I got up early despite being out late with Jake, or should I say, out early. : ) I think I did great on my math final, I finished, worked all the bonus questions, and had time to go over my answers, with still over an hour left. To my surprise, when I got out and headed to the Loftin, Jake was there waiting for me, we talked and worked out some more math problems, I felt so pumped even though we couldn’t figure them all out. He stayed a while before having to go to work, but it was nice, my friend Daniel was hanging with us, it was cool, but I think Jake was making him feel a little uncomfortable, he was just messing with him for laughs though; Daniel was checking this girl and Jake convinced him to go talk to her. :D They were talking and it seemed good, but Jake had to leave, I updated him later that they’re only going to be friends, because it turns out, she’s actually with one of his friends, oops…

I helped Daniel schedule his classes for next year and I chose mine as a backup just in case it comes down to it and I chose to stay, I’m still keeping my options open and looking for the best offer, so for now, I’ll have 15hours in the Spring. As part of my degree plan, I had to take either a dance or physic education class, I didn’t like the dance classes and the one was interested in was too early and too long, so I signed up for swimming, I figured, hey why not? Besides I have the body for it, I told Jake, and he wants to join it with me, man, wouldn’t that be something,?

Jake picked me up late yesterday after he got out of work, and we went to Jim’s. Big surprise, my mom was alright with it, she just told me to be careful, and not to forget my key, things have been great with my family lately, I finally feel like I have a family. : ) We ate first, I wasn’t that hungry and it was already late, Jake got out after 22, so I just had a drink and mozzarella sticks. ( I don’t eat that much anyways). Well, after eating we got down to studying for our math finals, poor Jake, he needed more help than I did. : ) We really got stumped on two problems, I joked with him that it was because of his chicken scratch notes. I didn't get home until after 2, and my mom was cool with it, she actually asked if I was going out again, tonight, nope. We were fighting with one stupid problem last night and today at school as well. It was nice seeing him at school today, he didn’t even have any classes today. : ) My sister’s in a different class, but taking the same course as Jake, so I asked her for help today, just one example and I got it, Jake called during “Power Hour” at work, and I told him, it was so funny how excited I got, tomorrow we’re going out on another “study date”, what, we actually study…for a while… ; )

I’m tired, I have work in the morning,, and another late “study date” with Jake, so really should be going to sleep soon. I was listening to Jake DJ on the radio, his third job (only once a week) he just got off the air at 1, I told him I would listen, thank God it’s only once a week, don’t get me wrong, he’s awesome, but I want to sleep, I think I can spare time to stay up once a week, but any more and I wouldn’t. So…until tomorrow, goodnight me, I doubt I even have any readers left, but oh well, this is a great way of releasing stress. : )

From green to blue :)

I saw Jake at school today, I was heading to my class and he was as well, but he called that he wanted to see me, we decided to be late for our classes, besides, they were just review days, we met half way and went somewhere to talk. It was really nice, he is such a dork! :D I thought Jake’s eyes were blue, that’s what they looked like when we first met, but to my surprise, when I saw him today, they’re green! :D After my class he called again, asking where I was, I told him I was let out of my class early and was heading to my next class, but I had time, he told me to wait for him, that he was close, before I knew it, he was behind me. He hugged me and we talked outside on a balcony just outside the building of my next class. It was nice, I could see through the door, and I saw my professor pass through heading to class, he always get there about two minuet before class, so I knew I had to go, so Jake walked me inside, and we went our separate ways again. :) I have been talking to Jake more and more, I actually don’t call him, he calls me, so far our conversations have been short, because we both have school and work, I like it, I don’t want to be dependant on talking to him, I don’t want to fall for a voice, I need more, I deserve more than that. Jake asked me out the same night we first met, it will be tomorrow, he hasn’t forgotten, he‘s going to plan it, he’s been throwing ideas out there, but we‘ll see how it turns out. I think it will be great, he seems really cool, and we have a lot in common. I’m not going to let myself do anything I don’t want to do, so I want to go out with him, it’s not just because I can, I want to, and I think it will be great! :)

Jake :)

I met someone today, it was really unexpected, his name is Jake, my math class ended early, and I had an unfinished rough draft due, so I went in search for a spot to work on it. After finding that all seats were taken up stairs, I went downstairs to my luck, I saw people leaving from a table, the whole table to myself, score! I sat and began working, not long at all, this man comes up to me, with his hands full with a large book, and a lot of papers, he asked me if he could sit down. Of course I was not going to use the whole table, so I said it was fine, and he sat in front of me. He told me that he needed to work on homework, and I told him I had a paper due. I still think it was kind of funny, somehow we got into a conversation starting out asking basic info about each other., he asked what’s my major so I told him I’m studying Electrical Engineering, he’s majoring in Radio broadcasting among other things. Needless to say, neither one of us completely finished our assignments, but it was worth it, he gave me his number, so I entered it in my phone and hit dial so he could have my number as well, and we went on to our separate classes. I was in such a good mood to began with, but I felt a little guilty, I was suppose to go out later to see a movie with my friend Henry, we hung out as friends before, but this time he already knew Jordan broke up with me, so he asked me out. I knew I was going out with Henry later, but I was so excited after talking to Jake, he reminded me of Jordan at first, and I remembered Jordan told me I would find someone like him, but the truth is, he is soooo not like Jordan, and that’s a good thing for me. :) Everything has been great!

I’ve been going to the counselor a little over a month, and it has really helped me, for the second time I walked in there happy, but this time I felt so strong. I told her about the break up, and how hard it’s been, but that I realized I need to move on, continue with my life to the fullest, I will not allow myself to shut down. I told her how, it would be pointless to hold on to something that’s not there anymore, I have to let Jordan go, and live my life. I felt so empowered, and then came the fall, she asked me what I would do if Jordan would ever ask me back, I pause as tears formed in my eyes, I told her how much I loved him, how much I still love him, but I have to move on; I told her, even with as much as I love him, I don’t think I could do that to myself, it hurts too much. I need to live for myself, I would still be on the fence, but I would have to be strong for me, I couldn’t do it, I would say no. Probably reluctantly, but it hurts too much, I am going to be fine. Even with me saying this, I have a homework assignment, I need to write a pros and cons list with Gabby, about why I should let Jordan go, or why I shouldn’t give up hope, I broke, my confidence was broken, I know it’s not good to keep hoping in this situation. I agreed but, I really didn’t want to do it. L I did not leave the way I entered, but the good news is, that I am doing well, both counselors agree, they think I’m going to be good enough to end my sessions, only one more to go! :D I’m soooo happy about that! It hurts when I relive memories, but I don’t want to forget, instead I will just have to forgive and let go if I ever have to deal with more difficult situations like this, I want to be prepared and know how to handle them. I can’t believe she broke me again, I was not going to cry anymore, but I was obviously wrong, it’s still a process. I love Jordan, I know some part of me always will love him, I just wish him the best. I still miss him, I’m still tempted to text or call, but that’s a habit I will have to let go as well, I have toughen up, we can’t talk, I won’t let myself.

So, like I said, I went to the movies with Henry after I got out of school, we missed all the good movies, so we had to watch a foreign film, “A Serous Man”, neither one of us could figure it out, and that’s because it was in English! That had to be one of the weirdest movies I EVER saw! We kind of understood the point, but it left sooo many things unanswered. After the movie we ate at the deli in Target, I know that seems cheesy, maybe because it was, but we both really wanted to go look at the Legos and Kentex, so we killed two birds with one stone. :D He met my mom, today, it was kind of funny, he was his crazy self, he didn’t even try to hide the way he was. Surprisingly, he made my mom laugh, and we got to pick on him. J When I got home I got a text from Jake, he wanted to know what I was doing, after texting,” Nothing, just at home”, he called me, I liked talking to him more than going out with Henry, at least I went out and tried, but there won’t be another date. Jake and I talked for a while, and learned some basic stuff about each other, he is 28, seven years older than me, going to my college, (obviously since that’s where we met) in his fourth year, works near by our school, has a truck, and lives by himself in his own house. I told him about me, and after getting to know each other more, Jake asked me out for Saturday, that seem cool to me, I think it could be great, he seems more my type than Henry, and that’s because I wasn’t even sure if I had a type, apparently I do, it must be the dorkyness. :)

Fresh!

I don't have to put up with all the crap from work anymore but I still have crap to deal with anyways. I'm glad I have Jordan there for me to get through the crap as I'm there for him, we're always there for each other and we wouldn't have it any other way. I'm starting over and on the hunt again, putting out apps. and I'm feeling good. I have an interview tomorrow so, YAY! :)

My room has been looking good for a while now but yesterday I replaced my bed. It is such a space saver! I love it, I still can't believe my room, it looks so GREAT!!! It was hard work to it in my room because it was so heavy, specially stained all wood frame with thick 6" matching legs. I fell asleep so tired last night but I woke up feeling really good and well rested, the bed was so comfortable! My old bed was already really starting to hurt my back and neck. I slept so good and pain free. I'm now making some minor adjustments, I wanted a new bed and desk to complete my room and now I have them so I am happy am I'm done with the major stuff. One rule I'm going to try to follow, to keep your surroundings from become dull and boring you should always rearrange minor things such as pictures, decoration, books; the littlest of things can go a long way to keep your room looking fresh.

I can't wait to start my classes this fall semester.

My second trip to see my love. :)

Hello everyone, anyone reading this besides Jordan. Happy Father's Day!

I'm just here thinking of my love right now when I realized that I haven't posted an update in a long time. To those still reading this, I went back to visit my love last month, it was so wonderful to be with him again. We had a great time just spending every day with each other.

My trip to see Jordan was wonderful! I hadn't noticed just how peaceful and wonderful it really is over there. I'm seriously considering moving over there, I like Jordan's college and I already know they have my major couse study courses. Maybe one more year here and then I can venture out, we would both love that. I need to save up and maybe get my own place. I need to move, things are only getting worst at home. Yep, I need a place for just me and JoJo (my little dog)

While I was visiting Jordan we looded up the price reanges for me to go to school at Jordan's college since the prices are different for out of state students; it turns out for what I was paying at my old college I could have been with Jordan for a lower cost.