I've been really frustrated lately because of work. I need to get away, I use to love my job but lately things have been different. I wouldn't mind but it's really different now. I don't now what to do anymore, on my days off I have really nothing to do but look for other jobs online and check my email. I now have my long-time project(my room) done so I can't even do that unless I make a mess solely for the purpose of of cleaning it up again. For a while I actually forgot I had a blog otherwise I would have been posting in my spare time. I'm so bored but I'd rather stay home than be dragged around in the car all day. It's been so hot lately, scorching hot! I love the heat and even I'm wishing for rain and cloudy skies.
I don't know what to do, I've been reading books again but my choice of book this time isn't catching my attention, the last book I read- ironically was called The Last Book in the Universe, the story was so good it made me cry at some parts. I wish the ending would have been different it made me want to read more, I heard rumors of a movie- that would be AWESOME as long as they don't ruin the story line. Maybe I should try changing books to something more interesting to me I think even when it comes to books I get bored easily. I guess I'm just someone that want to be entertained in all aspects of my life. Any suggestions?
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Now, for one day.
I know Jordan loves me and I love him but lately I've been having these feelings of uncertainty, not of our love for one another but something else. The truth is I just don't know if I'm good enough for him. Am I really enough for him? I love him so much and I'm just so terrified of losing him. I can't lose him, I'm crying just writing these words. I've never felt this strongly about anyone else, I know I may have said that before but I never meant it in the way I do now. I am madly and hopelessly in love with Jordan to the point of worry and fear of one day losing him.
Lately Jordan and I have been talking about getting married someday and having kids, we've even picked out names and discussed how we plan on raising them. Our ideal family: One boy and one girl (both nerds of course) our children will be well behaved due to our strick parenting and constant envolvment (to a certain point of course.) We will teach them to be independant when it matters. They'll learn about robotics and computer programming. There's more but you get the idea.
The more we talk about it the more we seem to agree. I would love for Jordan to be the father of my children one day and that's not something I've said before. I've thought about marriage in the past however it never seemed right, I never thought to myself this is it, this is the one person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I love Jordan so much and I really can't see myself with anyone else but him nor do I want to try. If I could I would give up everything right now and go wherever Jordan wanted, I really would and I wish I could.
Whenever I tell this to Jordan (I've mentioned this many times) he respnds, " I know, one day. I love you so much, one day will be together all the time." It makes me so happy to hear him say that and it motivates me to strive harder towards my goals. He makes me who I am and who I want to be. I want to change my life now to ensure that I'll have a future with the love of my life. Jordan is the one man I want to spend the rest of my life with so you could see why I would be so afraid of losing something so wonderful, so perfect, I just can't bare to think of it so I'll think of the now for my future with Jordan as much as I can. Our future together, and one day we'll be finally HOME.
Lately Jordan and I have been talking about getting married someday and having kids, we've even picked out names and discussed how we plan on raising them. Our ideal family: One boy and one girl (both nerds of course) our children will be well behaved due to our strick parenting and constant envolvment (to a certain point of course.) We will teach them to be independant when it matters. They'll learn about robotics and computer programming. There's more but you get the idea.
The more we talk about it the more we seem to agree. I would love for Jordan to be the father of my children one day and that's not something I've said before. I've thought about marriage in the past however it never seemed right, I never thought to myself this is it, this is the one person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I love Jordan so much and I really can't see myself with anyone else but him nor do I want to try. If I could I would give up everything right now and go wherever Jordan wanted, I really would and I wish I could.
Whenever I tell this to Jordan (I've mentioned this many times) he respnds, " I know, one day. I love you so much, one day will be together all the time." It makes me so happy to hear him say that and it motivates me to strive harder towards my goals. He makes me who I am and who I want to be. I want to change my life now to ensure that I'll have a future with the love of my life. Jordan is the one man I want to spend the rest of my life with so you could see why I would be so afraid of losing something so wonderful, so perfect, I just can't bare to think of it so I'll think of the now for my future with Jordan as much as I can. Our future together, and one day we'll be finally HOME.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
My second trip to see my love. :)
Hello everyone, anyone reading this besides Jordan. Happy Father's Day!
I'm just here thinking of my love right now when I realized that I haven't posted an update in a long time. To those still reading this, I went back to visit my love last month, it was so wonderful to be with him again. We had a great time just spending every day with each other.
My trip to see Jordan was wonderful! I hadn't noticed just how peaceful and wonderful it really is over there. I'm seriously considering moving over there, I like Jordan's college and I already know they have my major couse study courses. Maybe one more year here and then I can venture out, we would both love that. I need to save up and maybe get my own place. I need to move, things are only getting worst at home. Yep, I need a place for just me and JoJo (my little dog)
While I was visiting Jordan we looded up the price reanges for me to go to school at Jordan's college since the prices are different for out of state students; it turns out for what I was paying at my old college I could have been with Jordan for a lower cost.
I'm just here thinking of my love right now when I realized that I haven't posted an update in a long time. To those still reading this, I went back to visit my love last month, it was so wonderful to be with him again. We had a great time just spending every day with each other.
My trip to see Jordan was wonderful! I hadn't noticed just how peaceful and wonderful it really is over there. I'm seriously considering moving over there, I like Jordan's college and I already know they have my major couse study courses. Maybe one more year here and then I can venture out, we would both love that. I need to save up and maybe get my own place. I need to move, things are only getting worst at home. Yep, I need a place for just me and JoJo (my little dog)
While I was visiting Jordan we looded up the price reanges for me to go to school at Jordan's college since the prices are different for out of state students; it turns out for what I was paying at my old college I could have been with Jordan for a lower cost.
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