Now, for one day.

I know Jordan loves me and I love him but lately I've been having these feelings of uncertainty, not of our love for one another but something else. The truth is I just don't know if I'm good enough for him. Am I really enough for him? I love him so much and I'm just so terrified of losing him. I can't lose him, I'm crying just writing these words. I've never felt this strongly about anyone else, I know I may have said that before but I never meant it in the way I do now. I am madly and hopelessly in love with Jordan to the point of worry and fear of one day losing him.

Lately Jordan and I have been talking about getting married someday and having kids, we've even picked out names and discussed how we plan on raising them. Our ideal family: One boy and one girl (both nerds of course) our children will be well behaved due to our strick parenting and constant envolvment (to a certain point of course.) We will teach them to be independant when it matters. They'll learn about robotics and computer programming. There's more but you get the idea.

The more we talk about it the more we seem to agree. I would love for Jordan to be the father of my children one day and that's not something I've said before. I've thought about marriage in the past however it never seemed right, I never thought to myself this is it, this is the one person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I love Jordan so much and I really can't see myself with anyone else but him nor do I want to try. If I could I would give up everything right now and go wherever Jordan wanted, I really would and I wish I could.

Whenever I tell this to Jordan (I've mentioned this many times) he respnds, " I know, one day. I love you so much, one day will be together all the time." It makes me so happy to hear him say that and it motivates me to strive harder towards my goals. He makes me who I am and who I want to be. I want to change my life now to ensure that I'll have a future with the love of my life. Jordan is the one man I want to spend the rest of my life with so you could see why I would be so afraid of losing something so wonderful, so perfect, I just can't bare to think of it so I'll think of the now for my future with Jordan as much as I can. Our future together, and one day we'll be finally HOME.