Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Ash Wednesday & true love

Today was Ash Wendnesday, the day where Catholics take time to repent, get there cross shaped ashes on there forehead, and give up something they really like for 40 day. 40 days until Easter when Jesus arose.
- I don't have anything against Ash Wednesday or the people that follow it however I do have one thing that makes me feel alittle uneasy about it; I really don't like the stares I get from the people with ashes, I see them looking at me as if they see me as a sinner just because I don't the ash cross on my forehead. I'm not a Christian-Catholic, I'm Christian-Christian, we don't have Lint and so we don't get ashes. Really I personally don't have a problem with it I just don't see the point in asking for forgiveness and a chance to repent on just one specific day? I suppose there must be a reason but I'm just not familar with the Catholic beliefs. I wanted to wore a Christian rock band T-shirt to show my Christianaty and you know what, I didn't get those weird stares today.
- So today was just another day for me to awake and say "Good morning God, Good morning Jesus", and smile as the morning light shown through my window. Just another glorious day, a new day, better day (I could feel it) I was right. Lately the past few days I have not been feeling myself, they were not my best days but today was wonderful, I truly felt God's blessing today.
- I started out my day feeling refreshed and well rested. Joy, happiness, hope, and love feeled my heart. I felt so great today that I even got some exercise in using my dance game I have at home after a nice hardy breakfast (I can't start my days off without it anymore, so I thank God that I've been blessed with the time and Jordan's influence to have breakfast every morning.) I had hot tea to relax me, water, and Gaterade to replenish after, a small lunch and a nice healthy dinner prepared using a healthy cook book I purchased about a week ago. This was my second dinner from that book and they were both delious and very healthy. We had been eating out a lot and I really got tired of the fast food junk so I tired eating salads and then I thought,"Why not eat at home as we use to", my mother is a great cook and taught us to eat our veggies and now I actually crave them. I think my mom really just hasn't been in the mood to cook so that's why I decided to step up, I would watch her cook but she wouldn't let me help. Now that I'm older I can do the cooking myself and really there's nothing to it all you have to do is add the right spices to it for the flavor to be just right. I love cooking, I already have the next three breakfast and dinners planned (lunch is still a mystery) but they are healthy, filling, and gooooood. :) I plann to keep up with my health, not as a new year resolution (I didn't make any) but as something good I can do for myself to better myself.
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JoJo is my little dog, he is so adorable. He was laying on my lap for a while falling asleep, as you could imagine it starting hurt just alittle so I made an adjustment. He then lay with my arm as a support, one paw on my stomatche and the other on my rist as if they were his arm rest, his head laying back on my arm. It looked like he were lay on a lazy boy with his eyes closed and a smirk on his tiny face, he was like a prince sitting on his throne. I just watched him mainly because he looked both funny and cute at the same time; but mostly I couldn't believe how tiny he was in my arms. He appears so helpless yet trusting, just one squeeze is all it could take to ruin his perfect serenty but he knew I wouldn't disrupt that, I joined him in closing my eyes also trusting that he wouldn't just jump up on me or bite me. No... we were harmonious together, It was a wonderful feeling.
As strange as it may sound: It remind me of being with Jordan. We have those moments all the time with each other. We let our gaurd down and trust in each other. :) It's really a wonderful feeling, never before had I felt this way, not one other soul has made me feel so trusting, so safe. I love the feeling. It fills me with a calm, I could be in Jordan's arms forever and I wouldn't mind, I wouldn't mind at all. I know everything happens for a reason, I think God has sent me Jordan to show me what really love is suppose to feel like, I know I said I was in love once before but I know now that couldn't even begin to compare with the love Jordan and I share. Looking back I think of the love Jordan and I share would have been unimaginable, I had to exeperience it to know the possibilities. If a love like this with another person exist on earth.., I could only imagine the love that awaites in heaven, I could only imagine the eternal love God has for us all and I thank God for Jordan. He has shown me so much but, Jordan, of all, I treasure our love. Thank Jordan, for loving me and allowing me to finally know love. I love you Jordan, fy394. :)

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

? Feeling Off.

I've been off these past few days, I'm not quite sure what it is but something is just different. I know I haven't been posting much, it's not that there isn't anything for me to post about, really I actually have a lot going on in my life lately. Let's see:

-I turned 21, yay! I still can't believe it, I don't feel any different then I did before. That's my story every year, all birthdays are, another day we've been wondering around on the earth. Really it's no big deal, I spent it relaxing after going to work in the morning and then having lunch with a friend of mine. It was all good. :)
-Thursday I spent the night over at one of my BFF's house (Chips). It was fun seeing her again we talk on the phone but the last time we actually saw each other was Halloween (which was a blast by the way- one of the best Halloween's every!) Well the next morning I was suppose to be returned home before she had to go to school, instead I tagged along, it was so much fun. I met most of her friends before she went to class and I stayed hagging out with them. It was so cool I ran into two of my friends one of which I knew went there (L) and the other just an added bonus. (You know I'm talking about you D.) I got alittle time to talk and catch up with what's been going on, a lot sure has changed including me (L) kept on commenting on how different I look now, I'm the same but with some adjustments. She says it's because of Jordan but I don't mind, I feel good and that all that matters. Any ways it was so cool to hang out with them again and now (D) subscribe to my feed and will probably read this so, Hello to you! :)

I will be going for now but I will try to post something more interesting tommorrow so until then goodnight everyone! Yay!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Hot girl..?

I never thought I would be saying this, but am I a hot girl? I've noticed that I've been getting more attention for strangers (more than I would like) but I was in denile thinking that it was all in my head or there must have been a prettier girl behind me. Man I feel weird about this topic, I still can't believe the attention I've been getting, it's all too... WEIRD! The only thing that I could think of is Jordan, it must be a glow I have from being with Jordan. Really that's when I started noticing the extra attention, after I came back from seeing Jordan over the Christmas Holiday.

Many people tell me that I look different, I sure feel different, I feel so happy and it's all because of Jordan. :) The last time I saw my friend Lucy she told me that I looked different, she said she knew why- I'm in love was her reasoning. I've been in love with Jordan so long but something about the trip just brought us closer and made us love each other even more- we didn't even know that was possible.

I feel more confident not and I've been trying new things and do more things for myself. I love doing things for myself, I don't think my mom likes it because she wants me to always be around. I think it scares her to think of me leaving home, I do everything she asks me to - I'm the only one. She always talks and cries to me about things going on and if I leave who will she have? My little sister doesn't understand what's going on, I don't really want her to and neither does my mom.

Even my mom's been looking at me differently like she knows something. When I first came back she was mad at me for a while, she said I left them with no warning. I guess a month isn't enough warning according to her, really I think she thought I wasn't going to leave. I day she told me," Well if you want to go then go I'm not going to stop you, I don't care." I don't care, that hurt me some much and she had no idea just how much; at that moment was when I decided to go. If she didn't care why stay when there's someone that does care waiting for me? I needed to leave and I'm glad that I did. :)

Now I feel better, I'm more rested and look better and apparently I'm hot. My ex before "R" is trying to get back with me, he's never stopped but he gotten more annoying asking my mom and step dad if he could date me. They didn't know I was with him before but they know I don't want to be with him now. It's the curse, waite a minute... maybe I was in denile. Maybe I have been hot I look the same to me sort of, I haven't lost or gained any weight, why does the curse happen? Could me being hot be part of it? It's still weird for me to think of myself as hot, to those who know me- am I?