The Curse

Yesterday to my surprise Sumo told me there was something he wanted to tell me, I tried to get it out of him but he told me I had to wait until later for him to tell me. Later he told me, “I think I love you” I was shocked and had no idea how to respond, I was really speechless but my mind was going crazy with thoughts. I felt bad for not responding back in a matter which is normally expected (as in “I love you too.”) I just couldn’t, the first thing that I thought about was my love for Jordan and how strong it really is. Secondly I felt bad for Sumo, I don’t even know what I did to make him feel this way, I was just me and I guess that was enough. Poor Sumo, he has now, unknowingly fallen into the cursed domain.

I’m not sure what it is about me that sucks guys into me, all I know is that when they are done with me, they are never the same, never done. I’m not being conceded, I’m serious, I think of it as a curs and I’m pretty sure the guys of my past would consider to be one as well if they only knew.

The only one that truly knows about this particular portion of my life is my old friend Lupe. She truly knew the incidental damage I could and would cause. I feel almost bad to be aloud into anyone guy’s life; I should come with a freakin’ warning label! I feels so bad, no one could truly understand (except Lupe of course and that’s only because she was an eye witness, she saw it all front and center) Now what am I to do?

The obvious would be to talk to Lupe since she’s the only one that knows of my situation… well, duh! I’ve already tried that! Lately she’s been unreachable! Dam it! Dam it! Dam it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why?!?!!! Just one of life's sick sad cruel jokes on me and my twisted life.

I’m guessing there’s one reader out there thinking I’m making too much of this, right? WRONG!!!!! Let’s have a short, quick and simple recap of some of the worst case situations (that I’m aware of) shall we..?

*I’ve had guys go crazy jealous after not wanting to be with them that they completely lose it and become a stocker which I couldn’t stop for reasons too complicated to explain.
*One hit almost complete depression and never got over the fact that it was over and I wasn’t going to go back to the way things were.
*After on and off feelings one very shy, quite type; finally left and made a dramatic change drinking and partying his freakin' brains out.
*After suspecting that I was being cheated on for the first time I ended things, it was then that he discovered how stupid he was and realized what he had with me but it was too late. I got with “R” that same day. (I know what you’re thinking, no it wasn’t a rebound thing, “R” had been trying to get with me for over a year and I had feeling for him but I idiotically stayed loyal to the cheating bustard!) + Recent update- he’s now been arrested at least twice (to my knowledge) for drinking and driving and he still claims to be in love with me although he has a girlfriend. (By the way for those that couldn’t piece together the puzzle this was the one I simply call “6.”)
*And of course let’s not forget “R”, for my constant readers- enough said…

The pattern I noticed was, the longer the relationship, the worst off the poor guy ended up being. I wish I could stop this stupid curse but what can I do? I’ve been worried about Jordan from the get-go but now I have Sumo to worry about as well. What the hell!!! Why can’t someone just freakin’ shoot me now and end this stupid curse!!!