Where do I belong?

I can't sleep, so I blog to calm my nerves. (Hopefully)

I've spent yesterday and today with my family(mom, brothers, & sisters) celebrating two B-day's. Most would assume it would be fun to go bowling and then out to a pizza place in two days but,(sigh) nope... not when it's my family. I feel like the one that's always left out of everything, since I was little it's always been that way. I'm not the oldest nor the baby of the family, I'm not even the middle child so why me? Why am I always feeling this way? And before anyone makes the assumption that it's all in my head, it's not, in fact; I wish it were just all in my head but there's actual proof.
I might not show it but I've always been the "Loser" of my family, I've never been cool enough for any of them. This doesn't bother, the way my own family treats me, that what bothers me. I'm the one that doesn't follow the crowd or try to prove myself to anyone, I'm just me, that the way I've always been. My brothers and sisters have always followed the crowd even when it comes to stupid things. Well there's always one in every family and I guess I'm that one, I was always picked on, mental and physically (I have both scares to prove it.)
I never did anything but help my brothers and sister all my life and they have hurt me in so many ways in return of my kindness (and I realize what you might be thinking& no I don't do it for them to treat me differently, I've just always been the kind-hearted person of the family) I believe in honoring thy mother and father, and respecting, caring, for my siblings as well as others. I'm one of those persons that can show kindness to someone even so heartless just at the thought of showing them what humanity should be like. It's hard and trying to show it constantly to those whom wronged me but I continue to be an 'opt' looking on the bright side of the half full glass.
Seriously, as odd as this may sound: I've always been the ONLY white sheep of my family surrounded by individual black sheep which makes the white sheep look odd. (Jordan: I'm sure you would agree with me, you know about them, you know what I'm referring to)
I'm nothing like my family, I don't see where I fit with them other then someone to pick on and use as a life preserver when needed. I promise you this, with every little thing I do for them; if I wasn't there to do it, I don't know what they would do without me. I'm a freakin' life saver, and I honestly don't know how I've put up with all this for so long. I've been saying no and trying to distance myself from them when I get a chance-which I've been trying to do more ever since my return. My mom still likes to bring up the fact that I abandoned her without warning(which isn't true unless you consider about a month no warning, and then actual proof warn of two weeks. It's not my fault she chose not to believe it until the night before.)
They all need me to a certain point but won't admit it, my mom probably most of all.
Well I've always had these thoughts but yesterday and today it really hit me hard, how am I even related to these persons? I really can't see it. I feel like the poor white sheep that doesn't belong. Where do I belong? The sad thing is I know where I belong, I feel like myself, better than myself, "Sarah 2.o", complete when I'm with Jordan no matter where we are. I want to go home Jordan, just like you've told me in the past, you're my home, you're where I belong. :'(