Jake :)

I met someone today, it was really unexpected, his name is Jake, my math class ended early, and I had an unfinished rough draft due, so I went in search for a spot to work on it. After finding that all seats were taken up stairs, I went downstairs to my luck, I saw people leaving from a table, the whole table to myself, score! I sat and began working, not long at all, this man comes up to me, with his hands full with a large book, and a lot of papers, he asked me if he could sit down. Of course I was not going to use the whole table, so I said it was fine, and he sat in front of me. He told me that he needed to work on homework, and I told him I had a paper due. I still think it was kind of funny, somehow we got into a conversation starting out asking basic info about each other., he asked what’s my major so I told him I’m studying Electrical Engineering, he’s majoring in Radio broadcasting among other things. Needless to say, neither one of us completely finished our assignments, but it was worth it, he gave me his number, so I entered it in my phone and hit dial so he could have my number as well, and we went on to our separate classes. I was in such a good mood to began with, but I felt a little guilty, I was suppose to go out later to see a movie with my friend Henry, we hung out as friends before, but this time he already knew Jordan broke up with me, so he asked me out. I knew I was going out with Henry later, but I was so excited after talking to Jake, he reminded me of Jordan at first, and I remembered Jordan told me I would find someone like him, but the truth is, he is soooo not like Jordan, and that’s a good thing for me. :) Everything has been great!

I’ve been going to the counselor a little over a month, and it has really helped me, for the second time I walked in there happy, but this time I felt so strong. I told her about the break up, and how hard it’s been, but that I realized I need to move on, continue with my life to the fullest, I will not allow myself to shut down. I told her how, it would be pointless to hold on to something that’s not there anymore, I have to let Jordan go, and live my life. I felt so empowered, and then came the fall, she asked me what I would do if Jordan would ever ask me back, I pause as tears formed in my eyes, I told her how much I loved him, how much I still love him, but I have to move on; I told her, even with as much as I love him, I don’t think I could do that to myself, it hurts too much. I need to live for myself, I would still be on the fence, but I would have to be strong for me, I couldn’t do it, I would say no. Probably reluctantly, but it hurts too much, I am going to be fine. Even with me saying this, I have a homework assignment, I need to write a pros and cons list with Gabby, about why I should let Jordan go, or why I shouldn’t give up hope, I broke, my confidence was broken, I know it’s not good to keep hoping in this situation. I agreed but, I really didn’t want to do it. L I did not leave the way I entered, but the good news is, that I am doing well, both counselors agree, they think I’m going to be good enough to end my sessions, only one more to go! :D I’m soooo happy about that! It hurts when I relive memories, but I don’t want to forget, instead I will just have to forgive and let go if I ever have to deal with more difficult situations like this, I want to be prepared and know how to handle them. I can’t believe she broke me again, I was not going to cry anymore, but I was obviously wrong, it’s still a process. I love Jordan, I know some part of me always will love him, I just wish him the best. I still miss him, I’m still tempted to text or call, but that’s a habit I will have to let go as well, I have toughen up, we can’t talk, I won’t let myself.

So, like I said, I went to the movies with Henry after I got out of school, we missed all the good movies, so we had to watch a foreign film, “A Serous Man”, neither one of us could figure it out, and that’s because it was in English! That had to be one of the weirdest movies I EVER saw! We kind of understood the point, but it left sooo many things unanswered. After the movie we ate at the deli in Target, I know that seems cheesy, maybe because it was, but we both really wanted to go look at the Legos and Kentex, so we killed two birds with one stone. :D He met my mom, today, it was kind of funny, he was his crazy self, he didn’t even try to hide the way he was. Surprisingly, he made my mom laugh, and we got to pick on him. J When I got home I got a text from Jake, he wanted to know what I was doing, after texting,” Nothing, just at home”, he called me, I liked talking to him more than going out with Henry, at least I went out and tried, but there won’t be another date. Jake and I talked for a while, and learned some basic stuff about each other, he is 28, seven years older than me, going to my college, (obviously since that’s where we met) in his fourth year, works near by our school, has a truck, and lives by himself in his own house. I told him about me, and after getting to know each other more, Jake asked me out for Saturday, that seem cool to me, I think it could be great, he seems more my type than Henry, and that’s because I wasn’t even sure if I had a type, apparently I do, it must be the dorkyness. :)