First blog of the New Year!!!

I'mmm Baaaaaaaaaaack...

Hello everyone did you miss me? I missed blogging, there were so many times that I just really wanted to run to my local library and go at it but obviously that's not as easy as it sounds.

So what did I do this break..? First of all let review my goals I set for the break, I did accomplish some of my goals:

1. I did clean my room and I mean CLEAN, I did a complete overhaul.
2. I finally was able to sleep comfortably. I could have still got more sleep than I did but still I tried and I managed to go without drinking coffee everyday so that shows improvement on my sleep time.
3. Opened lots of presents (I love my pj's and slippers from mi amor, Jordan-There green!) =)
4. Gave lots of presents :) (I was not able to see everyone on actual Christmas so I gave the day before, Christmas and I finally finished yesterday when I gave "R" his-A grey snoser stuffed animal which looked just like the one he use to have named "Boy." (Now I think that maybe I still shouldn't have even given it to him afterall, I'll explain why later on in this blog)
5. I read my monthly nerd magazines "Potential", "Spectrum", and some technology related articles from business weekly-which I don't think I will be renewing my subscription.
6. Definitely still stressing about returning to school.

So Recap on what happened this Christmas break:

Jordan and I had our ups and downs as usual only not like usual (not sure if that makes sense) Ok, we usually have little arguments here and there but we have one major one that almost ended our relationship. I'm not really wanting to get too into the details but it was about religion (a huge priority in my life) well anyways, things were pretty bad and I had to think hard about things. In the end I guess I just can't or don't want to let go just yet.

Jordan, I know our relationship is complicated honey but I'm glad that we worked things out I love you. Thanks for being there for me yesterday, I wish you really could be here maybe then things would be a little more bare able. (sigh) Oh well I'm still lucky to have you in my life one way or another, I keep thinking about when you were here and it makes me so happy and sad at the same time. I miss you so much, its not fair that we can't be together.

Yesterday I saw and was so upset, with "R" lately he had been acting like an A** ! Ok, for those which are familiar with my blog, my days of stressing out worrying about "R" are done. I mean, I don't even think that there are words to describe how pissed off I was I'm sooooooooooooo over trying to be nice with him, I have NEVER, EVER felt so stupid for caring. I actually asked him straight out, "do really want to be my friend or are you just saying that because lately you have been acting like a A**?" He said he wanted to still be my friend but I'm still not convinced if he truly wanted to be friends with me than why would he be acting this way with me?

I was with my cousin in his room and we were talking about our relations when "R" came in and ruined everything. Just as a side note "R" and my cousin Eric were best friends and they still talk once in a while. Well "R" started showing Eric his "myspace" claiming it to be better than "blogging" (because he knows that I blog but I haven't and won't give him my address to him) and then he linked over to his gf's "myspace." To me it seemed like he was trying to rub it in as he went on and on to Eric about her (while I was still in the room, loudly might I add) I didn't say anything, I really don't care! Ha,ha!

Jose Luis called me while I was there, by the thank you soooooooooooo much for that! I needed an escape from listening to "R." Once again, ha,ha, I think that it bothered "R" more that I was talking to someone than him trying to get me jealous with talking about his gf and showing off pictures(and that's cause I wasn't even trying). Anyways, "R" kept turning and looking over in my direction as I talked with Jose Luis then Jordan called... I switched over quickly to tell him I would call back cause Jose wanted to three-way, Jordan agreed and shortly I connected us. (sigh) I should have learned my lesson when I three-way called Sumo and Jordan(apparently not) I soon because lost in the nerd babble between Jose and Jordan. I think that "R" was getting even more annoyed with me talking to two guys instead of one, and he started being an A** again. He started playing with this Simpson toy of Flanders, on the back you push a button and it says,"There's always room for one more Flanders!" I didn't care that he kept pushing it and I told him that it didn't bothered me, I guess since it didn't bother me he just decided to try and annoy either Jose or Jordan as he held the stupid toy right at my mic on the phone. He kept pushing and pushing it and it started to get on Jordan's nerves so I pushed him away and he came back still doing pushing it so I ripped it out of his hand and went to sit on my cousins bed.

If that wasn't bad enough he started making fun the way I was breathing (I've always had really bad sinus problems where occasionally it feels like I can't breathe so I guess I sound funny) he would never make fun of me about this before because even my dad had the same problem as me. At first I didn't care that he was laughing I just ignored him until he saw that it was not bothering me so he started calling me names. Still I tried to ignore him but "R" just had to kept it up being the A** that he was or is. I continued to talk to Jose and Jordan than Jordan had to go for a while so I continued talking to Jose. "R" still kept up with the name calling and then he started imitating my breathing and that did bothered but I still said nothing. He kept going until finally I had enough, I said nothing, I got up, walk to the door, left, slamming the door behind me. I sat in the living room for probably no more than two mins when Jose had to go, we hung up and just than Jordan called. I told Jordan how upset I was with "R" and how badly I wanted to cry but there was nowhere to go and I didn't want anyone to see me, especially "R" (he probably would have really enjoyed that).

Shortly after that "R" came out of my cousins room, he talk to my mom about something really quick and than he said bye to everyone even me, I said bye but he knew that I was upset. A few mins later I got a text from him that said,"Hey didn't mean to piss u off. I want to be your friend but your gonna have to accept who and how I am sry for being me. See u later buddy."

My cousin Eric came out to the living room where I was and he told me that he was going to go take a shower, if I wanted to I could go talk in his room so I could have some privacy and when he came out we could talk some more. I'm pretty sure that he realized that I was upset, I almost couldn't stand it anymore so I took him up on his offer. I continued to talk to Jordan about what happened and how I was feeling, he told me that I needed to let it all out and just cry since I was going to be alone for a while(which doesn't happen too often) still I tried to hold it in but I gave up and cried a lot. Jordan was so great, he comforted me while I practically cried my eyes out.

Oh yah, surprise for me, my friend Bobbie(here's a surprise for my readers, Bobbie is actually a girl) called me from out of the green ;) perfect timing if you ask me, I told her that I really needed to talk to her later that I was going through something. I've been feeling so alone lately, it's not that I don't have friends, its just that most of them are boys it felt so good to hear from Bobbie, we go way back to fourth grade maybe I'll post about that someday. I told her that I would call her later because I needed to talk, it made me feel a lot better for a brief moment when she said that she's always there for me whenever I needed her I could just call.

Before we left my cousin's house I apologized for walking out, I told him that I wasn't mad at him and we talked about for a while and than we had to go home. On the drive home I told my mom how "R" was acting and it felt so good that she finally agreed with me that maybe I should just let him go his own way, I deserve better friends than that and I have them already so why waste my time on someone who is acting really childish and doesn't care anymore. Maybe I really should ignore him and just learn to be a little cold heart and finally let go.