Letter to our Lord, God

I’m afraid. Lord, I know you are with me and my family, I know this because no matter how bad the situation I can always turn to you. You are the one that will never leave me though I have been through a lot I know this, and I choose to keep my faith in you. With everything going on in my life, faith is all I have left when even my own family has turned away from me, you are there to guide me through these hard times. It feels like we have hit rock bottom and if so, there’s own one way to go, up. I believe if I keep my faith and never give up, I will rise again just like the story of Job. You never left him; you were only testing his faith in you, now maybe you’re testing my faith in you as well.

It seems as if I have only sacrificed one happiness for another. I should be happier now but I’m not going to lie and say I am when I really am not. I know that there are a lot of people in world out there that have it worst off then me so I shouldn’t be complaining now should I? With all that I have been through, and all that is to come, Lord, I know that one set of footprints is not you abandoning me; no, I know that they are yours’ and that I am in the safety your arms as you carry me through these difficult times.

Lately I have been finding myself worrying through out the day and crying in the privacy of my own room. Who would ever guess that I, always so cheerful and full of laughter am really hurting deep down inside? In my own silence I find myself. It is then that I truly find the time to think about my life and it’s worth. I regrettably find myself thinking; wouldn’t it be so much easier on everyone if I were gone? Would anyone even notice or really care?

It seems that death is all around me. I heard from a friend of mine today that someone of which was in my high school robotics team, died, he was in a car accident. I could only think of two things when hearing this, why was he so lucky to be away from this horrible world? When will it be my time to join my Holy Father? I feel so bad for even thinking these awful thoughts but I must tell the truth. I often think of my old suicidal thoughts, and I wonder, what is my purpose?

There is a reason for every living creature to be on this earth and when they are done serving their purpose, then and only then will they finally be able to rest and meet our creator. Such a strange thing to envy, death. When most people are afraid of it, I can only wonder when it will be my time.