Letter from a secrete admiror

Jordan, you received a letter today. Not just any letter, it was a letter from a secrete admirer.
When you told me about it we both thought it was strange and funny.
You read it to me word for word and I had no problem with it.
Together we tried to figure out who was this secrete admirer?
We laughed and joked about the possibilities.
Then I made a suggestion which agreed with.
You started to think about it and then kind of considered it.
I thought you should talk to her to find out for sure.
Questions started to come up, “what if it is her and she would try to kiss me or something?”
“What if I kissed her back, you questioned your faith in yourself.”
“What if I would leave you for her? After all I use to have a crush on her, remember? Plus she’s here and you’re not.
I want to be happy but I want to be happy with you.”
While we talked I thought positively, aww…he loves me enough to stay with me instead of going with the other girl.
After we got off the phone I started to think about things.
If you love me so much, why would you even think twice about staying with me or leaving me for someone else?
I didn’t care about the letter, I laughed it off, but your reaction bothered me.
How dare you! I myself have had other offers which I told you about and not once did I think of leaving you!
I honestly don’t know what the heck you were thinking when you started thinking those questions out loud!
With each thing you kept saying, I pretended as if I care not, but I didn’t want to come across as one of those crazy jealous girlfriends.
The truth of the matter is, I really wished you were telling me all this in person so that I could slap you!
I really wished I could slap you!
Here I am, so far away from you, staying faithful and devoted to you (even though I’ve been advised not to) taking a chance with our love from the start, rejecting those that were interested, simply to have you not show the same loyalty to me in return!
How dare you!!!
I spent seven months trying to get over “R” with you there basically reserving yourself the role as my boyfriend.
I really didn’t have time to grow, to reflect on what went wrong, or even take the time to give someone else the time to get to know me and vice versa.
No, instead I excepted the feelings we had for each other and waited to just miraculously heal from an almost four year relationship, in a way it was like I was never alone, you were there waiting for me to heal and give myself time to get over it while you were there as I said, reserving your spot as my future boyfriend!
I can’t believe that! I can’t believe you!
Now that I think of it more, I thought you were there for me, to help me heal, instead you were there shoving the idea in my head why I needed to get over the whole ordeal.
Now, I see what you were trying to do, you wanted me for yourself, so you helped yourself!
And me, little ol’ me, I was so stupid to let you.
I thought that you backing off, not constantly asking about my feelings you were being a good friend, nope!
You wanted me to think that way.
You won!
I lost!
And now, what’s your prize?
This…
I see how things are, I now see how it is with you,
You didn’t want to be with me just because we were in love,
You wanted me because you never felt love,
You used me!
You took advantage of my feelings and now, this “Secrete admirer” came in the picture and you thought of leaving me for her because she’s there and I’m not!
Wake up and see what’s really going on here!
You said you love me and you would never want to hurt me.
HELLO! Does that sound familiar to you?
You are making me repeat history in a way, “R” said he loved me and he never wanted to hurt me, and he did, granted it was in a completely different way,
What he did seems like nothing now, but you considering leaving for another girl…
You are almost as bad 6, he didn’t leave, he wanted us both,
But you want to leave me, what does that tell me about how much you really care?
If you want to leave me for someone that’s been there all that time and said nothing about it until you were finally happy with a girlfriend, what does that tell you about her?
You have the right to happiness, as do I.
Now I really have a lot to think about in what to do next…
You hurt with your words before,
But this, this really hit me bad…
I’m not sure how I could get over this.
Just you thinking about it…
Made me see the way you really think about our relationship.
Enjoy your letter from your secrete admirer, soon that may be the only love you’ll know.