FRUSTRATED!!!!! FREAKIN JAKE!

I have no freakin' idea, what to do right now!!! Grrrrrr!!!! Freakin' Jake! Sorry, but really need to vent right now, because I am just sooooooo frustrated with the way things are right now. I've been on the fence about Jake lately, I was talking to my friend Daniel the other, because he knows Jake. AAAAAAA, I told him that I'm not sure about Jake, the thing with Jake, is that I've been focusing on all the positive, I needed to, to keep myself positive. The thing is, everything is not so positive. AAAAAAAA, I can't hide the bad just because I don't want to face it, now I break my silence because I am so frustrated and confused!

Jake and I were suppose to over to his house today and watch an old movie together, maybe two, anyways, that was the plan for after he got out of work. I just talked to him a little while ago and nope. Apparently he didn't get a chance to "clean up," I know he's been busy, but I told him it would be alright with me, he got that annoying voice I haven't spoke of to anyone but Gabby before this point, it's almost like he's winning, "Aww, trust me, I want take you over, but my place is so dirty that it bothers me, I don't even want to see it like this." Ok, why does this annoy me so much, well like I said, first of all he gets that winey voice, not to mention he was the one that thought of this since about Tuesday, do you mean to tell me he couldn't clean up or at least make his place look decent sometime between then and now. He reminded me last night, and he was up late, off doing an interview of a band for the radio station, ok, fine, but after, he was up late into the morning hours, just messing out around the house because he didn't feel like sleeping. Ok, why didn't he clean or straighten up then? AAAAA...

It's bad enough for me that I'm trying to see if something could come out of this, he's a good guy and he's treated me right up to this point, but he's flaking again, we almost didn't go out the other night too, but he changed his mind and came to pick me up for a late date. I wanted to talk to him tonight, it was important, I've been talking to Jordan a friend again, and I didn't want to hide it from Jake, I also wanted to talk to him and let him know that I might not be here next semester, I'm waiting for my scholarship offers from OSU, I don't know what I'm going to do yet, I registered for my classes here just in case I do stay, but I'm not sure about him either. Dam it! I'm more mad about the fact that I didn't get tell him today, I thought it would be better to tell him in person, that's why I waited until tonight. There goes that plan. I'm so frustrated and confused where I'm almost ready to just call him and tell him just what I've been thinking!

The thing that's really getting to me is the fact that I told Jordan about all this already, I told him even though it's been complicated with Jake, he treats me right and he's there for me, this does not reflect the side of Jake I was talking about. I don't even know if I want to talk to him today or anymore, I still cold, I have to be, I might be frustrated, but I don't want to get hurt. This just suck to me!