First blog

This is my first blog so i want to post my most recent writing before I dive into my past so here it is...

Written: 9/13/07

What if things don’t work out the way we want them to? I love you so much. I never had this strong of a connection with anyone other then you. I don’t know why things have to be so difficult. I just wish we could be together. I want us to be together but I’m afraid that, that may never happen.
Why do we have to be so far away from each other and feel the way we do? At night and any chance I get during the day I just lay in bed and hold my pillow tight thinking of you. At night I often cry myself to sleep because I miss you so much and I really want to see you. I want to hold you instead of my pillow.
It hurts so bad to think of but what if everyone’s right and we should try to find other people? I know it’s possible but I just don’t want to! I feel bad for even considering it. If they only knew how we felt they wouldn’t even suggest it.
I really hate feeling like this… I don’t know what’s going to happen with us. I don’t know if there ever will be an “us”. I could imagine it as if were already true but then it only saddens me to know that my minds just playing tricks on me.
We are just so alike that it worries me I may never be able to find that closeness with anyone else (at least not the way it is with you.) I feel so alone at times and other times I feel like your right here with me. Sometimes I can actually hear your voice, feel your touch, I mean I really feel you.
Sometimes I wake up a little bit later and I can feel you gone as if you were there all along and when I look at the time I realize that you would be gone. How can I feel this when we’re not even in the same state? How can I feel you when you were never here to begin with? It just doesn’t make any sense to me. I wish someone could explain it to me because I may never know otherwise.
I should really go to bed now, I can hear you crying as well and you’re calling me so we can just hold each other, cry together, and fall asleep together. Goodnight Jordan. I’m coming to bed.