Break Through

Last night I guess you could say Jordan and I had somewhat of a fight, it felt more like a debate then a fight. I had talked to Sumo(I'll explain about Sumo in a later blog) the night before and I told him that I wasn't sure about how things were going with Jordan. I told him that I wasn't sure if I thought that I should continue to invest as much time in Jordan as I have.

I brought up a friend of mine from about three years ago, Crystal. She was always good with real life situations and I was having a problem with "R" at the time so I sought out for her help. (Crystal knew nothing about my relationship or my past because she was new to the school)I told her that I needed someone to tell me like it is and I new that she would. I told she that I was with "R" and I was having strong feelings for a friend of mine. Her first reaction was to say that since I had what I wanted with "R" I then wanted something new, this was not true. I told her that I had felt this way for him before "R" but I just couldn't be with him. She said that I "settled" since I couldn't have what I wanted, I "settled" for "R" and in doing so I would never be happy. He was not the first one that I wanted and couldn't have, there was someone else before that and I just eventually got over him and then met my friend. She said that I really would never be happy if I continue this pattern. (Now why did I bring this up?)

I told Jordan that there are two catagories with me, (1.) Those which I wanted and could never have. (2.) Those which I "settled" for like "R" since I couldn't have what I really wanted I gave them a try but was never really happy.

Jordan is sort of in between at the moment more so (1.) The distance between us is really playing a part in why we can't be together. I was thinking about, am I wasting time on Jordan only to never really be with him? OR Am I once again about to "settle" by giving up on the thought of being with him?

I'm not sure how to explain it but I also told Jordan that he was in a way looking down on me (he's such a nerd and I love that (I'm crazy about nerds) but I noticed that he has stopped wanting to talk about technology with me and just talk about simply things or when we would talk about those topics he would act as if I couldn't keep up or possible understand him)

I really felt like I said everything that needed to be said yesturday, I called Jordan out on being so inconceiderate towards me and everyone around him. Also on how ungrateful he is. I was very upset and crying a lot after we got off the phone last night and once again I called Sumo and told him everything. It really helps to have him there for me when I really need him. He made me feel much better and I slept with a sense of relief :)

Earlier I got to read an email which he sent me and was very happy to discover that I really got through to him. It feels like our conversation has made us come to a major break through in our lives and relationship. I can hardly wait to talk to him tonight (especially since it's the weekend) I love him and maybe we will work things out. =)